Mother, my Fortress....

"Que sera  sera , whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera, sera. What will be, will be."

It's been so long since I've taken the time to pen down my thoughts. So many thoughts just spinning through my mind. Some bitter while others beautiful. Memories that mean the world to me and memories that I would never risk for anything in the world.

I was born like every other angelic baby to my beautiful Mother. I was blessed to be cuddled, loved, cared and hugged by my parents and my Siblings. Life kept getting bigger and better. Nothing seemed impossible. I was told I could even touch the sky. I jumped and trust me I felt I was on top of the world.

I have three lovable sisters who always adored me and a brother who always loved to get on my nerves. My mum was fed-up with our tantrums. Fortunately, I never got whacked nor did my brother. My brother was my favorite, he taught me to ride a bicycle,to play Cricket and he taught me to dress like a boy. Basically, he made me a tough girl. I owe every credit to him. 

My mum has been my fortress at every step in my life. It's amazing how Mothers have the right intuition while we follow our own instincts and meet disasters. However, life is not an easy ride. We learn from our experience and attain the wisdom through our elders.

My father was an amazing person to us and to the world. Everyone loved him for his simplicity and meekness. He always drove us everywhere, everywhere we wanted to go. He treated us at our favorite restaurant, walked with us by the sea shore. We prayed together, sang songs together. He had an overwhelming heart full of love and no false pride. 

Life was a colorful splash of colors, all so vibrant and splendid. The colors in our life didn't last for too long. It is said that " Death comes like a thief in the dark". Alas, life turned dark and grey. Daddy died and passed away in July,1993. He left for his journey to the heavenly abode. Daddy died when I was ten years old, my mum was still a young mother, my sisters had just graduated and brother was still studying.

The clouds were always luminous to me because my mum never made me feel that our world had changed overnight. I still enjoyed all the privileges as the youngest sibling and since I was daddy's little girl, the love and affection from everyone intensified. Mumma hugged me more often, my sisters showered me with gifts and my brother continued to bully me and he always tried his stunts to annoy me. I hated it than but looking back, I love him every bit for whatever he did.

I missed Daddy, I missed his presence in our new home. We shifted in our big new home in 1993.  I missed Daddy driving us down to places, I missed daddy teaching me to ride our new non-geared bike, I missed daddy during dinner time, I missed him at dinner, I missed him when we prayed and I missed him like crazy.

The years somehow passed by, I got busy with school exams, extra classes, friends, basketball practices, and other things. Mum was the only one closest to me as by the time I started college, my sisters were married, my brother stretched out his wings and flew to places to be the bread winner. He has a heart just like my father. At times, I wander if God placed my Father's heart in him. My brother is a sensitive-loving person. He has always been protective and kept me safe from any trouble makers. I have never feared anything because I knew I could count on him all the time.

After Graduation, my mum enrolled me in a special one year course that would give me wings to fly. Mum fulfilled my dreams even though the course fees seemed impossible. 

I followed my dreams, I did all that I wanted to do, good and bad, I laughed, I cried... 

Eventually, I met the man of my dreams. The man who swept me off my feet and the man who carried me home after we were happily married. 

It has been six months since we've been married. My husband is my best friend. I love him with all my heart. My mum couldn't ask anything more. He loves me, adores me and pampers me all the time. 

I miss my mum who's away from me. She lives alone in that same beautiful home we shifted in 1993. The same home where I spend my childhood and my teenage years, the same home where I left as an adult to try my luck in life.

Looking behind, so many things have changed after daddy died. So much has changed after my sisters got married. So much changed since I moved to Mumbai.

But my mother's heart has not changed a bit. She is still beautiful and still tries to substitute our father's love. She never made me feel incomplete. She walked by my side when I wore that long white gown on my wedding day. She held my hand very firmly while giving me away at the church. My heart cried for my beautiful mother. I knew she was hiding her tears, I knew she was missing Daddy. I knew her life had changed yet again. 

I admire my mother for being a strong fortress and for never giving-up when the ride seemed to be bumpy and impossible to sustain. I admire her for living alone in our beautiful home where memories keep flooding. I guess she's holding on to all those beautiful memories of our yester years. She's holding on to us. she's holding on to the love that made us and the love that will never break us. 

My mum always sang this song for me, it's still my favorite. 

"Que sera  sera , whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see. Que sera, sera. What will be, will be."

I love you mom... I love you Grace, Sandra, Fernanda and my dear brother, Savio.  Last, but not the least, I love you my darling husband, Denzil. 

                             ***************THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME********************

As I sat by the Pangong lake

Pangong Lake in Ladakh is the world's highest brackish lake at 14,256 feet above sea level.

If I had to describe life, I would say Life is about facing challenges that will change your life every time.
To reach Pangong, we had to drive through the mighty Himalayan snaky mountains and we had a skilled driver who knew the roads very well.

The drive was very bumpy, tiring and dizzy but exciting too as we stopped by couple of scenic places along the way to capture everlasting memories. We also saw alot of Beavers, Horses and high breed Yaks along the way.

We had to pass through the great Chang-la pass, the world's highest pass located 18400 above sea level. I remember feeling very dizzy headed and could not feel my hands. I thought they were frozen with the extreme cold.
I jumped off the vehicle and walked to the Army base camp who offered me amazing special hot tea and I must say my frozen heart melted :-) because I could feel my heart beat again and my blood much warmer.As we reach the Pangong Lake we checked-in into tents that seemed scary because the biting cold would tear us apart in those little tents but the thick mattresses made us smile. The proud owner seemed very cold; perhaps the weather turned him into a cold blooded animal. He was a little impolite and unconcerned about our empty tummies. He refused to serve us tea/snacks as he said he's staff was not around and they would serve us dinner much later.
After a great effort to convince him, he served us to our heart's content.
See, even the cold blooded animal turned sensitive with our warmness.
I'm sure he saw our puppy eyes and could see a big hole in our tummies.
He realized if we phased out, he would be responsible to drive us to a nearest hospital, wait a minute...did I tell you that there's no hospital around ;-( , so after he's evaluations he could never refuse.
The best part of my life had arrived; I walked down to this serene lake and wondered what was so great about it, for which I came from the land of far far away. The lake was a treat to my sparking brown eyes. Had I been blind, the goddess of the lake would have restored my sight as no one can miss such a beauty.

It was around 03 degree Celsius as I walked down the Pangong Lake. I had never experienced anything so beautiful and so enchanting. I was mesmerized by its pristine beauty and life could not be any better in such a dwelling. I immersed my hands in the water and was smitten by the chilled water and a chill ran down my spine.
I lay down upon a cold rock and watched the sky, was I looking at the sky above me or was the sky looking at me. I smiled to myself and shut my eyes to get lost in a sweet memory I just became a part of.
I drifted to the sweet memories of my childhood to teenage life to adulthood and here I was, far away from all that occurred in my past life.
Yes, I related it to my past life because I felt rejuvenated being a part of this moment.

I felt peaceful, all the pain within me had evaporated and I could feel butterflies fluttering around my heart.

It was freezing and I lay there upon the rock and I think I remained still for around 2 hours and must have fallen asleep in between.

I had to wake up, it was getting colder as the evening had settled in. I did not want to leave the lake as my presence made it happy because I could see alot of tiny birds chirping happily around me. ;-)

I had to walk up to our tent where it was already getting horribly cold and we were all shocked to learn that firewood would not be available as wood was not readily available because of the damp climate.
For whatever reasons, we were not going to give up because giving up was like walking to a dead man's cave.
Yeah, that cold! Finally, we impressed a little Ladhaki boy to buy some wood which cost us 800 bucks.

At this moment, we were willing to buy a truck full of wood no matter how much it would cost us.

The wood arrived; we sat around the fire, Ahhhh! It felt so nice.

My weird group sang songs I didn't know (Hindi) and some I knew, but I preferred to be unusually quite.
It got very breezy and the moon looked so damn spooky, it moved from one place to the other.
The little Ladhaki boy said that if we climbed a wall, we could see the China border which was very faint but true. I was so excited to be so close yet so far.

I was sleepy and retired to my tent and inside the sheets. Can you believe my misery? The sheets were frozen and nothing made a difference the entire night.
The cold was biting me and I felt so helpless but I had to sleep as I was very tired.

I woke up late morning for breakfast and walked down the Lake for the last time. I walked by collecting little pebbles and dry flowers. I said good bye, though a little emotional and promised the lake to come back soon.

I whispered something romantic into its ear... sorry I can't share secrets here. ;-)

We drove back to Leh city. This time, it snowed so much as we passed Chang-la pass. I had never experienced snow falling on me. The feeling was very childish and thrilling. I made snow balls and threw them around.

Alas, we had to leave once again and back to the hotel to continue our experience.

For all the passionate readers, if you’re wondering where on earth is this god blessed lake, I have some information that will help you fall in love with this part of our very own country.

Pangong Lake, The Lake flows through Tibet while only forty percent of the lake is a great contribution to India as a major tourist place.

A few years back the government decided to open it to tourists though the lake and its surrounding is under army surveillance.

The entire area is protected by Army personnel and hats off to them for surviving in such an extreme climate.
Thank god for such brave men.

The long and narrow lake lies in the neighborhood of the famous Chushul Mountains. A breath-taking view that will leave a lasting impression to one’s memory.

The mirror-calm water is cold, clear, and extremely salty, holding sufficient quantity of lime and despite its high lime content, this lake freezes completely in the winters.

This place should sound familiar to you and is now a popular tourist destination after the very famous movie, "The three idiots".

It's a lifetime experience no one should miss. I should advise all the travel freaks to explore these mountains and this part of the world. Life is too short and there are alot of cities, villages and mountains yet to explore.


Live, Love and get lost in nature. Nature has its own way to teach you the way of the world as a Nomad. ;-)

Love


Tina D’Cunha